I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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