I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
