I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
