I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
