yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
