hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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