with your own penis?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
