Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
