i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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