do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
