He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Slut skills are useful in every country.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
not ubering you a puppy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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