I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize