You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
