she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
