Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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