Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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