look no pants
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
