I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You took a bar mat shot.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
