I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I need help removing her.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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