i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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