What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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