Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize