Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize