My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
