i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
