I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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