So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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