Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
