I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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