quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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