Have you finally orgasmed yet?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
