just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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