I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
