I think I died a long time ago.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
