Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
