Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
