This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
