omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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