i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
