so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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