Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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