just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
