i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
