Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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