My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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