3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
