So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
