you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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