I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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