Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
