hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
