my room smells like sperm. sweet.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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