I just made out with a guy for $7.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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