Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
