Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
