Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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