Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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