I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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