Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
