i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i will never coherently bang her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
