she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
