i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
