ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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