I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
