i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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