why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
