i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
