yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
