I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
