I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
