Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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