He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
