Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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