chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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