when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
