ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
