Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
