A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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