You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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