I'm sorry my penis didn't work
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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