I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
